Yeah, this just didn't quite work. It really should have felt darker, I should have felt shredded, I should have cried. Should have. Instead, it was a little too much tell. Lucas didn't seem depressed enough to me, as bad as that sounds. His life didn't seem shitty enough, that just didn't come across. He had some hollow sex. Felt a release from cutting. Cared for a sick little girl. But none of that resonated. Then when everything started going bad, it felt forced.
I think it would have helped if we had seen some of this from Jacob's POV. Jacob feeling helpless as he watched Lucas struggle and fall apart. Instead there were other random events that didn't progress the story at all. And why could he see Jacob? Why was Jacob always at the gym? To be seen by him, but he thought Lucas couldn't see him. Do angels need to work out? WTF?
Unfortunately, this was a good idea that needed a little more flushing out. The addition of something to draw the reader in, and the exclusion of some of the extraneous stuff could have made a heartbreaking, bittersweet story. Instead I'm left with way to many questions. And while I appreciate the author attempting an alternative HFN ending, it didn't sit right with me.